This week I listened to my wife do several web calls with parents of her 2nd grade class. I listened as she went through the list of skills that said student needed to be proficient in to move on to the next grade. From the literacy to the math and on and on. We all know the routine. Grade school, middle school, high school and then college. Well, I got to thinking about that "last" step for a lot of us. Regardless of if that step is high school or college. What's the assessment you take after that "formal" teaching? From K-12 and college we annually get a formal assessment taken on us to see if we a proficient enough to move on to the next level. What happens when there are no more formal levels? Are we just as learned as we could possibly be? Have we reached a level of literacy and math that we know longer need any further improvement? Without doubt the answer is no. The room for growth is ongoing. I don't believe there are any cases in the history of humanity of someone learning too much. How have you grown at your job over the past year? Really think about that question. A lot of people will say they got better at something but all you really did was get more efficient at something and that doesn't count especially if you've taken that extra time from your efficiency and wasted it on water cooler talk and social media. There is equally as much stuff to learn out there as there was when you were learning your ABC's and how to properly count. Is it more difficult, probably so. Is it worth it, ABSOLUTELY. Take an annual assessment. Better yet, take a monthly assessment and judge your growth in life. From personal to business, you should always see incremental growth. Always be looking to improve on yourself. ALWAYS REMAIN POSITIVE Written By: Nate Spates Jr.
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I was having a great productive discussion with my wife this afternoon about us humans and how we operate. It all stemmed from how we base so much of our lives on exterior "things". I can't take credit for this topic. It was from the book "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle. We look at a picture of people on vacation and they seem to be happy and we quickly figure "hey, that will probably make me happy as well" only to find out that it really doesn't. That's not to say that a beautiful vacation wouldn't bring happiness. You just have to make sure that it's your happiness and not the happiness you want to portray to others. This life is YOUR life and you have the choice to live it the way that you want to. It seems like a very simple statement but so many of us live by what we saw our parents do or someone else do and just followed their lead never realizing that this is not necessarily you being you. The human body is made up of a majority water and we all know water follows the path of least resistance. Is it that far fetched to believe that we as humans do the same. We follow the lead that our parents set regardless of if we really agree with it or not because actually coming up with your own way of operating requires you to forge your own path. This would require you do much more conscious thinking than the average human would actually care to, especially when there's an example that seemed to work just fine for our parents or those before us. Anything worth having will require some work. That work will more times than not come in the form of breaking a mold that we have simply fallen into over time by default. It's not that we see that way as "good" but we just don't see anything "wrong" with it. Go set your rules. Decide what YOUR happiness is. Decide how YOUR household will be run. Decide how you will do YOUR job. Not just bill paying job but parent, sibling, or anything that you are a part of. Set your rules and live your great life. Written By: Nate Spates Jr. Recently I was on Instagram doing what a large part of the population does. Just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling........and scrolling. After a while I asked myself "what am I doing"? Once I identified that, I asked "Why"? I kept doing this until I got to a point of questioning any and every page that I was following. What followed was a week long purging of every page that I was following and what true purpose did they serve in my life and what I want to accomplish. I went through roughly 3,000 pages and I asked myself "How do they move the needle"? The gas hand in your car (as long as it's working) can do 1 of 3 things. It can move towards (E)mpty because the car is being used. It can move towards (F)ull because you are filling the car up with what it needs to continue to operate. Lastly, the gas hand can just be still because nothing is causing it to move it in either direction. While I was going through every page that I was following I determined that each page was either draining me of energy (heading towards E), filling me with energy (heading towards F), or doing neither for me (needle not moving at all). While doing this I had an inner dialogue with myself because I was following people who I knew personally but as far as following them on a social media platform, my needle didn't move or moved towards E. It's nothing personal....well, it actually is personal. It's personal to my well being and I encourage you to take the same approach. Regardless of it is on social media or in real life. I went from following over 3000 pages to just over 600 pages. These pages aren't just people that encourage me but some are pages of vacations, beautiful sceneries or just things that motivate me. Distance yourself from those things that drain you or don't move you at all. Surround yourself with those people and things that fill you up! Written By: Nate Spates Jr. CHECK OUT THE ARP shop for these and other shirts. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORTEvery time I come in the house from Crossfit (Yes, I do crossfit) my wife asks me how it was and without hesitation I tell her "it was terrible". I don't say that to be funny. I honestly hate going to workout. On the flipside, I love being in shape and having good energy more than I hate working out. Though this is a small example, I believe that this can be applied various facades of life. I hate doing dishes, sweeping, washing clothes, vacuuming and anything else that goes along with cleaning a home, but not as much as I love a clean home. The point I am making is that there will be more in your life that you would rather not do. A lot of those things are tied up in things that you love like the examples that I said before. LET LOVE LEAD THE WAY Written By Nate Spates Jr. Last week my oldest daughter went on a school field trip/college visit to University of Tennessee (UT) in Knoxville. As an attendee of The University of Memphis, I have my opinions of that school that I will keep to myself, but that is not what this is about. The field trip was based around the STEM program at UT. My daughter (16) currently attends a STEM school however she has her eyes set on majoring in Psychology. The Director over the STEM program at her school and I convinced her to give it a try and so she did. I am big on her at least trying things and deciding she doesn't like them as oppose to assuming she won't like them merely because she's at that age where she thinks she knows what she likes and dislikes. She goes on the 2 day trip and returns and confirms that she didn't like it. Like I always tell her when she tries something new "You tried it. You didn't like it. You can check it off the list and move on". She went on to tell me about a couple lectures that she had to attend while she was there and how boring they were. I went on to tell her that "this is what is on the horizon when you get to college." I continued to explain that a majority of things that we want to accomplish in our lives consist of a lot of "boring" stuff. Society has been oversaturated with "Highlight Reels" of peoples lives and accomplishments. Social media gives us a glimpse into the lives of people and more times than not, it's the parts they want us to see. While on one hand I have a 16 year old daughter, my wife and I welcomed her 1st and my second daughter just over 2 months ago. As I have become more observant of other families on social media with newborns, I realize all you're getting by in-large is the "Highlight Reel". The 1, 2, 3...month pictures. The baby holiday pictures, The baby laughing. The baby with the grandparents. I think you get the picture. We don't see we the baby is ill or has a terrible night of rest and one or both parents get very little sleep. You don't see pictures of a restless baby throwing a fit because they're fighting their sleep. For some parents, those are daily happenings for months that just aren't "cute". I say all this to say...don't get caught up in the "Highlight Reel" of life. Anything worth having in this life will take work and a lot of the work, you will not like or would prefer to be doing something else. As I write this, it is going on 2am and I'm keeping a watchful eye over our 2 month old who has a little congestion but I told myself that I wanted to get more consistent with my blogging/writing for bigger goals so here I am. As I become more consistent, I realize that these are the more important parts of the "Highlight Reel" though they don't look as good. Understand that any moment in you life be it good, bad or terrible is still a MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE. By Nate Spates Jr. Quiet as kept, one of my favorite shows to watch is "Ball in the Family". It is a show that comes on weekly on Facebook Watch and it chronicles the life of 3 brothers and their basketball careers and family life. The eldest brother (Lonzo) is currently playing in the NBA while the middle brother (Gelo) is honing his skills while rehabbing from surgery for his chance to make an NBA roster. The youngest brother (Melo) is currently playing overseas in Australia as he prepares to enter the NBA draft next spring/summer. In a recent episode Lonzo was having a discussion with his younger brother Melo in regards to his health. As Melo was throwing back a chili cheese dog and fries Lonzo was explaining to him how it is paramount to take care of his body and eat better. He was telling him that his body was his "Money Maker". I thought long and hard about that line. "Your body is your money maker". True enough as a basketball player or any sport for that matter, your body needs to work correctly. As I thought more and more about that I thought "When doesn't your body need to work correctly". Regardless of your occupation, your body is your money maker. Even as I write this blog, I need my mind to be operating correctly and in order for that to happen, my body needs the right fuel in it. I've always said "If your body isn't working right, nothing can work right". This isn't a post to get you to turn your entire diet over but if it does, please do it in moderation. Years of bad eating doesn't change overnight. Take it from someone who tried to cut out caffeine cold turkey numerous times. There is a song by Nas and a lyric says "Do your body right and it loves you back". Great words to live by. Can you treat your money maker better? Written by Nate Spates Jr. I recently came across a video of which showed a collection of people within the sports world who had sealed the fate of the the career of Tiger Woods. The only problem with these predictions was that the person who they had predictions about had different plans. On April 7th, 2019, Tiger Woods entered the final round of the PGA Masters Tournament. For those unfamiliar, this is one of the biggest events in the world of golf. Since Tiger Woods' last time winning this, quite a bit has happened. From having a very public divorce play out on the world stage to countless injuries and surgeries that include spinal fusion. I say all this because as bad as Tiger Woods' situation was and as finished as his critics thought he was, he believed in himself and his ability to return to his championship level. That could possibly be what you have to do. When no one else believes, when others have written you off, YOU have to believe in YOU even when no one else does. Written By Nate Spates Jr. Habit: a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. That is the definition of the word "Habit". Right after that it used the word in a sentence. It said "We stayed together out of habit". That was a great example. If I didn't know what the word meant and I read that sentence, I could make an educated guess about the meaning. What I wonder is why would that be the example sentence? Maybe it's me but I read "since they been together this long, they might as well stay together since this is what they've been doing". Habits can make and break us. Yesterday I was at the YMCA. After my workout, I like to spend a few minutes in the steam room before I shower. A gentleman who I've seen at the gym religiously over the years walked in. I believe he's in his late 50's or early 60's. I asked him how often he came to the gym and he replied "pretty much everyday unless something really stops him from coming." Next I asked him how he felt when he missed a day and his response didn't disappoint. "I feel bad. I feel like I've cheated myself. I just feel so much better when I've worked out" was his response. It's what I already knew but I just wanted to validate. His "Habit" of going to the gym made him feel better and when he went against that habit he felt bad mentally and physically. It's almost unthinkable for him to break that habit. As I thought about this habit and the great effects it had on this person, I thought about habits in general and how not every habit is a good one and how breaking that habit regardless of what that habit is is easier said than done. I want to go back to the 1st paragraph and the example that was given after the definition of the word. "We stayed together out of habit". Not because they were happy. Not because they were in love but simply because it's what they were use to. It's as if they're saying "I'd rather deal with the habits that I have than go out there and make some new probably even better ones". Could lying become such a habit that one would feel different if they didn't lie? Could eating bad become a habit? Of course they both could. With that being said, telling the truth could be a habit. Winning could be a habit. Habits come in many different forms. Some you consciously develop and some are subconsciously developed. Going against those habits are hard once you've created them. Choose wisely. By Nate Spates Jr. Last summer I went out with some friends to Pickwick Lake. For those who don't reside in the Midsouth, that huge lake sits along the Tennessee, Mississippi & Alabama borders. Activities on that days agenda...WATER SKIING! If you aren't familiar with this activity, it's when you are pulled behind a boat while on either one or two skis on top of the water. How tough could it be? Full disclosure, I've never done anything along the lines of water activities aside floating around on an inner tube. To me, that didn't matter. I can watch whomever goes first and gauge how easy it is. So, one of my friends goes first. First time, she doesn't get up fully on top of the water and has to bail out (let go). Second time, she gets up and rides behind the boat for 60-90 seconds. "Nate, your turn" is what I hear next. Full of confidence by watching my friend go before me, I figure I can do this with ease. I put on my life jacket and jump in. I ask "Is it easier to ski on 1 or 2 skis"? I was told that 2 skis is a lot easier, but my simple logic thinks that makes no sense. How could controlling 2 skis be easier than 1 ski? Stubborn me overrules all those who advised me to go with 2 skis, so I went with one. The friend who went before me was assisting me with getting on my ski which was difficult in and of itself. She instructed me "Keep you arms straight out, bring your legs into your body and point the ski up." I got this, let's do it. Boat driver revs up and in roughly 2 seconds I was snatched out of the ski and I was pulled another 3 seconds before I came up with the bright idea to let go. As you read this, I can hear you laughing at me and if it makes you feel any better, it was funny. Attempt number two, I decide to go with 2 skis. More determined to get up than the 1st time, I was ready. Boat takes off and it snatches me forward. In my stubborn manner I attempt to defy physics and recover and get up. All the while, I'm getting pulled through the water before I finally decide to let go. The third and fourth attempts were more of the same. Frustrated, aching and sinuses full of lake water, I decided to end this torture. I thought about how easy my friend made it look and how difficult it was for me. She had been doing this since childhood and I had never done it. Discouraged? Yes! Was I being fair to myself? Absolutely not. This is a perfect example of the society that we live in. We observe someone's years of practice in a final product stage and get discouraged or experience self-defeat because we can't replicate it with the same ease. Things in this life...especially those worth having take time, practice & experience to get good at. Yes, some people pick things up easier for whatever reasons but nonetheless, they have to work as well. In the words of Dr. Suess "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." With that being said, go out into the world and become the best YOU!!!! Nate December 30, 2018 I embarked on what I thought would be just another flight home from the in-laws. Burlington, Vermont to Washington DC and Washington DC to home (Memphis, TN). Aside from the 1st leg of my flight being super early in the morning, it was a quick flight down to Washington DC. During the layover in Washington DC, the gate agent called my name over the intercom to come see her. When I approached she asked if I was flying by myself and I answered "No, my wife is with me". Her response was "ohhh, ok, nevermind". I had no clue what she was talking about. As long as I had a seat, I was fine. We began to board the flight and when we were 2 people back from having our tickets scanned, there was a gentleman with a baby girl in his hands and what looked to be a 3 & 4 year old boy. For some reason, the gate agent was having an issue with their tickets to the point where some people were beginning to get frustrated. Finally, they were cleared and we got our tickets scanned and began to board. As we boarded the plane, it was obvious that this gentleman had very little control over the 2 young boys and then that dreaded moment happened.....THEY SAT RIGHT ACROSS FROM US. I know i'm not the only one who has those thoughts when "unruly" kids sit across from you on a plane. LOL. As I watched them jump up and down in their seats, push the "call" button and bring down their trays and slam on them I thought "This is going to be the longest 90 minutes of my life". The father who sat in front of them was trying to tend to the baby he was holding. He eventually got up with baby and went to the back of the plane and while he was gone, I continued to observe the 2 boys act as if they'd been fed candy since the sun came up. When he returned, the flight attendant was with him and she asked if I'd mind moving to where he was sitting (in front of the 2 boys that were seeming uncontrollable) so that he could sit across from his sons. I don't think I had ever been so hesitant to oblige to a request in my life. I'm thinking "Instead of witnessing these 2 boys and hearing them for the next 90 minutes, I have to feel the effects (kicking the back of my seat) of them." I reluctantly agreed. Just as I was moving to my newly unwanted seat, the flight attendant (Elizabeth) came from the front and said, "come with me. Is it just you?" I replied, "No, this is my wife" (pointing to the seat next to my original). Ms. Elizabeth said "bring her with you". Just like that, we were upgraded to First Class. This is just the beginning. Of course me being 6'3" and my wife being 5'11", the legroom was very much appreciated. Midway through the flight "Ms. Elizabeth walked past us holding this guys baby girl while he tended to the boys. We struck up a general conversation with her and through that we learned that the mother of the 3 kids had just lost her father. The husband told his wife to head home with the oldest child and he would take care of the rest of the kids. It made me feel so good that I agreed to give up my seat to this man who from the looks of things had never had to handle his kids in that capacity. It also made me think about the fact that judgement....I mean pre-judgement is truly a problem in society. Judgement means you've tried to gather some information. We are in a society that looks at the current situation of something and make a judgement call that more times than not is completely wrong, passive & pure dismissive. We must take a step back and either attempt to understand our fellow man or woman. If we don't do this, who are we to make a judgment on anything that the next person does? Full disclosure: even though I never verbalized it (well maybe I did to my wife) I just felt that this guy had absolutely no control over his children only to realize those kids probably had had very little sleep and were being carried across the country on planes. I know this has gotten lengthy, but I want to spark that something in you that allows you think twice before passing judgement on the next person. ALWAYS REMAIN POSITIVE Written by: Nate Spates Jr |